Interracial Dating
The other day I went to the movies with a girlfriend of mine. We saw that new movie, Something New. The basic story line is a successful black female CPA (I think, it was something like that) meets/dates a white man landscape architect. Besides the obvious racial undertones, there is also classism prevalent in the movie. It was actually a very good movie, much better than I thought it would be. Afterwards, my girlfriend and I got into a whole discussion of interracial dating.
I really don’t have a problem with it, obviously. I think the Asian mother and Black father kind of have something to do with that. We have always been a very open kind of family. My sister is married to a white man and I think I’ve dated just about every race/ethnic group out there. The color of skin doesn’t really matter to me one bit. But then as we were talking, I realized something. If I married outside my race, well the black half anyway, I would encounter some of the issues that they did in the movies. In my case, it wouldn’t come from my immediate family, but my extended family and even some friends.
Thinking back, I realize that my family in Alabama are not really that open. My cousin has been known to make comments like “Well, you know how white people are…” Umm, excuse me? Did you just say that? You know you’d be pissed off if you heard someone say “Well, that’s how black people are.” And, one time we were talking on the phone. I had just sent her pictures of my niece. She is the most beautiful thing, but the mix of half white, ¼ black, and ¼ asian and produced an asian looking child. I commented that if I were to marry a white man, this is what my baby would look like. She said “Oh Lord! Please don’t marry a white man!” When I said WHAT? She tried to back track and say something about not being able to help who I fall in love with but that it would be nice if he were a black man. I could just see the drama if I took a non-black man to visit Birmingham. With some other extended family members, I will always be the girl that brought the white girl to the family reunion. See, I was going to drive up to ATL for a reunion. My friend Kathryn offered to drive with me. She is a little blond Welsh woman. We had a great time and two of my cousins absolutely fell in love with her, one being 3 the other 33. The next reunion 2 years later, I was greeted by a distant cousin while checking into the hotel. “Hey cousin, I ‘member you from da last reunion. You da one dat brought da white gurl.” Imagine if I married someone non-black and had kids with him. I’m sure there would be all kinds of comments on good hair and skin color not to mention the comments I already get about speaking proper English. Some of my friends are probably just as bad, but not so open about it. I have girlfriends that always talk about finding a good black man, a fine brother, a black man that can take care of his own… There is always the adjective Black in there. What about a good man period? Is he good to you? Does he make you happy? Can he pay all of his own bills? Then what does it matter what color his skin is?
6 Comments:
I'm okay with interracial dating. But I'm "not" okay with the level of self-hate with people of color in the U.S., especially African Americans. I get tired of men and women talking about how they decided to "exclusively" date outside their race. And then they come out with some over generalization about how they hate how black men or how black women do this or that and how ghetto they are. What other race badmouths their own people to justify dating someone outside of their race? Love should be reason enough.
Then the same people talk about how pretty their kids would be if their paired off with a much lighter person. This is sickness, because I believe "all" children should be loved from the darkest child resembling coal to the lightest child resembling cotton. Once I felt sad to hear how a grown black man went on and on about how a mixed child (black and white) was so beautiful, while he ignored the dark skinned little girl who took in the whole situation. That's sickness. Both should be loved. Not one or the other. But that's the real world we're living in.
However, if people can truly love themselves, people of their own race, their heritage, and their culture, those people would be the main ones who would be able to flourish in any type of relationship no matter the color. There's no problem there. That's just my take.
I am VERY pro-Black. So, when I took up with a White man jaws dropped. Black people thought I was being a hypocrite. The misconception was that in order to be pro-Black I had to be anti-White. Well, I'm not anti-anything. If someone treats me right and there is chemistry there I'm going to check it out. My first husband was Hispanic and the second was straight up Mandingo. They were both dogs so what difference does it make?
Great post. I'm cool with it also. I think its a personal choice. What I hate to see however are people who say they date other races because their own race is this or that. But my son has dated white girls and I've dated a few races. The funniest thing was going to a movie with subtitles. It was in his native language and I read along, but we couldn't communicate other than smile at each other.
I don't like to see colors when it comes to relationships or what's important. I see the heart of a person. The soul has no color.
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I totally agree with aziza. I have no issue with people dating 'outside' their race and/or culture.
Many people in my extended family had an issue when I started dating a guy from Senegal, so it's not just a color thing...
But I am so uncomfortable with the many male family members that have spoken openly about not being interested in dating black women cuz they're 'too loud', 'too ghetto', 'top angry', and I'm sitting there saying, don't you see how you're working to perpetrate the myths that we're all the same? Are you the same that will spout off for hours at a time at how all blacks are represented in the media? But you bring that same mentality home at speak on it in front of your children.
Personally, I usually date black men, cuz I'm a sucker for some cocoa skin and a good smile, but I'll never say never cuz the heart will make a liar of you everytime. I think instead of getting caught up in the race thing we should take time to become healthy people within ourselves, and then finding love with whomever makes you smile.
@ chele...AMEN! Dogs & Gentlemen come in every shade under the sun. The trick is finding out the difference before it's too late!
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