I just got permission to go on my conference!!! Woo Hoo! In exactly a month I will be HERE!!!! The conference classes look a bit tough, but I think I can handle being done by 3 every day. Anyone want to come?

Going Back to Callie

Before I start this post, let me just say that I love California, specifically Southern CA. It’s where I grew up. Even though I haven’t lived there since I was 14, whenever people ask me where I am from, I say California. There were so many great things about growing up there. There was so much culture and diversity that you just don’t get anywhere else. From where I lived, we could be in LA, San Diego, the mountains, the desert, or the beach all within 2 hours. A little longer drive and you’ve got Mexico, Las Vegas, and San Francisco. Even around the corner you could see things you can’t really see anywhere else. We lived about a minute from this motel . Tell me that’s not unique! It really brings back memories just to see it.

Now, the reason I had to explain my love of Callie first is because I am not going to speak so highly of it now. Anyone ever been to the San Bernardino/Rialto area? Well, I haven’t been there since I was 14, but I remember what it was like then. There were gangs and drugs and teen pregnancy. I really though I grew up pretty normally, but when I tell people that my friend in 7th grade was pregnant and that my sister’s friend was an 8th grader with 2 kids, I get some crazy stares. “What, you mean you didn’t have sex-ed starting in 4th grade?” “No! Where the hell did you grow up?” Then there was the “gang” of boys that sort of stalked me and my sister in elementary/Jr high. They just sort of followed us around and placed some stalker like calls along with occasion visits to the house. No big deal really, the cops were only called once or twice. And there where the neighbors behind us and over 2 houses that used to have drug raids by the cops every once in a while. What, that’s not normal? Well, I didn’t know that. It was all I had ever known. I didn’t participate in any of that stuff and, according to my friends, lived a pretty innocent Brady Bunch life. I just happened to see a lot of thing growing up. That was until we moved to a white middle-class suburban neighborhood in VA. Gangs? No such thing! Drugs? Only with the “Bad Seeds” and it was kept really hidden. Teen Pregnancy? My school had over 3000 students and I think only one got pregnant my 4 years there. She promptly disappeared from school before she began to show. Talk about culture shock.

Why bring all of this up? Well, my parents will be retiring soon. When they do, they plan on selling their home in VA and returning to their home in Callie, which has been rented out for the last 14 years. They haven’t been back since we, after a LOT of coaxing from Dad, moved to VA. In fact, he was there for a year by himself before we finally moved over, but that’s another story. This story is about how my parents refuse to listen to reason. I strongly suggested that Mom and Dad visit before moving back to Callie. Now, this is all just hearsay since I haven’t seen it with my own two eyes. I have heard from various sources that the entire neighborhood has just gone downhill. One of my friends just convinced her parents to move and she is ecstatic that they agreed. Well, stubborn parents that they are, they won’t hear of it. “It’ll be fine.” “We’ll see it when we get there.” “You can’t tell a bad neighborhood by just visiting.” Well, my point is, if it’s as bad as people have said it is, YES YOU CAN! And if you go back and see it’s bad, why would you move there? If you go back and it’s fine, then I will shut up. . My mom has all these grand plans to remodel the house. Wood floors throughout, new kitchen, paint inside and out, remodeled bathrooms, new landscaping, new windows and doors. Yeah, they aren’t going to call attention to themselves or anything. Plus, if you fix up a house in a crappy area, you aren’t going to get back the money you spent on it. It doesn’t matter how nice you make it. Well, after suggesting, arguing, begging, bargaining, and even volunteering to go with, they still won’t give in. I have a few more months to try to convince them, but it doesn’t look good.

Creepy Dr Man

Have you ever been a bit creeped out by a Doctor? Ok, let me explain. Oh, and guys, you many not want to read this as it pertains to female parts.

I had to go to the doctor the other day. I was a bit nervous because A) it was a specialist, B) it was a new doctor, and C) is was a male doctor! A and B would normally have me nervous, but having a male doctor really threw me off. See, I ALWAYS have female doctors. My Primary Dr is a woman. My OB-GYN is a woman. Hell, my Dentist is a woman! I know that it shouldn’t matter and doctors are supposed to be professional. Men and women are equally qualified. Blah, blah, blah, whatever. I just feel more comfortable when I have to ask questions about sensitive issues or have people digging around somewhere that they have those same parts and may even have been through the same things. But, no such luck in this case. With me having to see a specialist, I had to go to who my Dr recommended.

Well, let me just tell you, all that day I was so nervous. I was so bad that I made Shelly take off from work and go with me. (Although it really didn’t take much convincing to skip work!) Anyway, we had the hardest time finding the place. When we finally got there I was late. But that didn’t really matter since my appointment was at 1 and the Dr didn’t get back from lunch till 1:30. Nice, huh? Anyway, after filling out the new patient “we need to know if your second cousin on your mama’s side ever had a cold cuz it may effect your health” forms that always take an hour to do, I finally got called in. Nervous. Shaking. Thinking about running out of the front door. Damn, should have thought about that before putting on this paper dress. By the way, why do those things never close? Can we get a paper dress for the large chested women, please? Finally, the Dr comes in. Yup, that’s a man. I’m just sitting there clinging to my paper dress thinking, “this thing is about to rip” since I’m trying to pull it closed. He’s talking. It’s pretty much the same stuff that my Dr said. Some questions, some statements, then, “Alright, let’s have a look shall we!” He said that a little too enthusiastically for my tastes. Oh well. Let’s just get this over with. So, he begins his exam. Not even a minute into it, he starts to creeps me out. “My, you have a beautiful Cervix!!” And he didn’t just say it. He said it really enthusiastically. I ‘m creeped out! What do you say to that? “Ummmm, thanks….” I look over at Shelly, who also looks a bit thrown off at the comment. And yes, I made her go in with me with explicit instructions to stay near my head! As he continues on with the exam, he continues to comment on how it’s really just beautiful. Ummmm… Stop! When he was done, he asked me if I wanted to come see him for a follow up or my regular Dr. Regular DR Please!!! Of course before I could say anything, he says “ You should come here one more time then you can go back to her.” Damn! He just wants another peek at my cervix. I think that appointment might just have to be canceled.

Shelly and I are leaving. “I was tempted to go see what a beautiful cervix looks like.” “I would have killed you dead!”

A New Year, A New Me???

Almost everyone’s blogs that I read talk about new years and resolutions (even though some don’t call it resolutions!) Well, I don’t do resolutions. Never. I just know myself and I wouldn’t keep them. But I was hoping that at the beginning of this year I would be starting my life fresh and new. I wanted to have my house sold, be moved back to VA with my doggie, and be considering what I want to do with my life, if not already pursuing it. Instead, I find myself flailing around at work all day, coming home to an empty house that must be kept in “Showing Order” and still as confused as ever about my future. It’s getting frustrating… so frustrating. I have started to second guess myself. Is this the right thing to do? Do I really want to sell my house that I love? Do I really want to leave sunny south fla where I can be lying on the warm sand in 15 mins? What am I going to do with my life? What if I can’t do anything other than engineering? What if I’m making the biggest mistake in my life? Maybe this not being able to sell the house thing is a sign…

I’m really trying not to think like this, but as the days, weeks, months pass it just gets harder and harder. I’m just used to so much stability in my life. I have health insurance and a 401K. I go to the dentist every 6 months and bought a house at 25. Is this whole adventure really for me? I just keep telling myself that I’m not happy and I’ve got to make some drastic changes to make myself happy. Even if that means stepping outside of my comfort zone.

Everyone is very encouraging, though. One of my girlfriends is so excited for me. She even got me something very motivational for Christmas. She got me this book called What Should I do with my life ?.She also loaded me a book of hers called 6 Months Off. They are starting to re-motivate me. Plus Shel is encouraging me every day at work. I was looking online the other day because I was thinking I might want to work at a non-profit organization. I need to do something fulfilling for a change. Then I though, maybe I’d volunteer somewhere for a while. That will ease my soul. (Obviously, I could care less about money at this point!) I could join the peace corp. or something. Maybe I need to travel the world. Reading those two books will help me, I think. I just need to re-focus and start being more positive. Maybe a little trip to see my dog (At my parents house) will make me feel better.

Have you ever accepted a gift from an ex or given one? A month ago, this question would have never popped up for me. A few days ago either. Because of an incident at work yesterday, it got me thinking. Maybe it’s a bad idea to accept a gift from someone…

One of the test guys came over to my desk to ask me some questions. While I was talking, I realized that he was paying absolutely no attention to me. He was staring at my hand. See on the ring finger of my left hand was a beautiful gold ring with diamonds and yellow sapphires. Around my neck was a matching necklace. G asked me if I had gotten engaged over Christmas, since he had been away for the last 3 or 4 weeks. “No, I didn’t get engaged! Are you crazy? This is just the finger that the ring fits on.” From 2 cubes over “What, SP, you got engaged?” Me a little louder “No, this is just the finger the ring fits on!” Out of my boss’ office, “Sherie, When are you getting married?” Me, “NOOOOO!!!!!!” Commentary from G, “She is wearing a ring on her ring finger. In my country that means you are engaged!” From the middle of the room, accompanied by a giggle “Ask her who she got it from!” What! You gotta be kidding me! See all of the women knew where the new jewelry came from since they were all here the week after Christmas. Then from the corner “I heard she’s pregnant.” From the other side of the room “You are getting married and your pregnant? Who’s the guy” “Is it that guy you were going to go away with?” “Someone you met in Seattle?” “Does this mean Will is back in the picture?” All the while I’m just saying “No. No. No. This is just the finger the ring fits on. I’m not pregnant. I didn’t meet anyone in Seattle. Will hasn’t been in the picture since last spring, people. Get over it!” Why is it that when they want something or are just being nosey, they suddenly remember everyone you’ve ever had coffee with in the last 2 years? And I don’t tell them these things, mind you. I sit in a large room with 16 people in it and there is no such thing as privacy. For anyone that asks me why I don’t say much when I’m at work or why I sound so busy, I’m just trying not to have my business spread all over the office!

So, you want the real story? It was an unexpected Christmas gift from an ex. I just got a package in the mail one day. In it was the jewelry with no note or anything. Needless to say I was shocked. So I called him. “What the hell is this?” See, this isn’t a recent ex. Not even someone who lives in FLA. And no, I didn’t “do” anything to deserve it. I haven’t seen this ex in years, let alone have done something to deserve it. His answer was, “I saw it at the store and I just thought of you. I wanted to let you know how much you meant to me and how much I cared about you. You were always so good to me and my family.” Of course my first instinct is to march right back to the post office and return it. A gift like this doesn’t come without some sort of stings. In the back of my head, I’m thinking “That can’t be it? What does he want?” He said there were not stings attached. No hidden motives. Nothing was expected. He just really wanted me to have them. I’m on the phone. I’m looking at the jewelry. I’m thinking… thinking… thinking… they are so shiny and pretty… thinking ... thinking… thinking… no expectations? Thinking… thinking… thinking… yeah, I’m keeping them.

So, now I have some really nice jewelry to add to my collection and some co-workers that won’t get off my ass about it. Shelly even got threatened with her yearly evaluation to tell everything she knew! Life is sure going to be boring when I get away from this place.

To go or not to go... - UPDATED

Is it wrong for me to ask to go to a conference when I know I want to leave?

This is a difficult questions for me. See, it’s evaluation time around here. Every year we have to get together with our manager(s) to set goals for the new year and get evaluated on last years goals. Then, in 6 months, we have a mid-year review to see if we are on track with our objectives/goals. Well, one of mine from last year was go to a trade show, conference, or training class that would enhance my personal growth. At the beginning of the year, I told my manager it wasn’t getting done. Not that I don’t love a trip, and one on an expense account to boot! I mean, I was in San Francisco for 10 days for a conference last year. BTW, the conference was only 4 and a half days. *wink* But this past year, I had no desire to “learn something new.” So, I asked that it not be an objective. Nope, my manager said no, we’ll revisit it at mid-year. Now anyone who has been reading my blog should have figured out that this has been the year from hell concerning my working hours. It’s been long days and nights even on the weekends. By Mid-year I knew there was no way I was going to a conference. I barely got away for my vacations, which were a day or two at a time. Now that it’s evaluation time again, my manager is going to question why I didn’t complete my objective, and I know he is going to put it back on the list for 06. Well, for anyone that hasn’t been reading long, I plan on quitting. No, really just as soon as my damn house sells. Anyone wanna buy a house in Fort Lauderdale? Well, I would feel very guilty having them pay to send me somewhere when I don’t think I will be here long enough for it to benefit the company. Then again, I’m gonna get bitched at for not doing my objective. It’s kind of a touchy thing, I guess.

Actually, it wouldn’t be had I not found the PERFECT conference to go to. Last year’s conference (04 in San Fran) was really useless. I really had no way to justify it, but since other people from the company were going and we used to have a booth at it once upon a time ago, I was allowed to go. This one is actually exactly what I do. Well, not exactly, but really really close. It’s more of the front end stuff while we do the back end stuff. I’m not going to go into details, but basically it would help me achieve one of our group objectives, which is to better know and understand the customers. Anyway, that’s not the big motivation because I could really give a crap about the customers. The conference is being held on the beautiful island of Anguilla. ANGUILLA!! Hello! British West Indies! I’ve never been there… I’ve never been to any Caribbean island. AND on an expense account??? Did I mention that the conference meetings end by 3 every day and it’s in Anguilla??? I know, it’s bad. I can’t go. I can’t ask to go. That would be so wrong, right? So, wrong… But what if I take notes and stuff and bring them back with me? Would that be ok? I could “share my knowledge” with the group. Besides, I wouldn’t be here to hear them bitching about sending me when I quit because I’ll be gone, right?

So, the big question is, do I ask to go or not?

UPDATE - I'm responding the the comments I've gotten so far...

Shel - Yeah, my conscience is the reason why I haven't asked already. And you know I am just trying to to the minimum! I know they would talk Shit about me when I left, but do I really care?

NYABG - 6 Months?? Heck no. As soon as the house sells, I'll put in my 2 week notice. I don't really care about ruining my professional reputaion because I dont' really want to be in this profession anymore! I guess it's a bad attitude to have.

Chele - Girl, NO!! Unless they've found out about this blog, or bribed Shelly to tell them, they have no idea I even want to go. I don't think my boss would do that to me, but I guess even if he did, it wouldn't matter much. I will have some cash from the sale of my house and will be moving in with my parents rent free to "find myself".

Aziza - Yes, I would feel guilty. Really guilty! I feel guilty just thinking about it now.